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Keepmywhiskeyneat: Got A Text From My Neighbor That Amazon Accidentally Wedged A Package Between The Door And The Hand Rail, Pinning Them Inside Their House. I Got There, Took A Picture Of The Box And Tweeted It To Amazon. They Responded With A Pun.

Fang107: These People Are Idiots.

Evilsupplyco: That Which Does Not Kill You Has Learned To Fear Your Name.

Just-Shower-Thoughts: I’ve Raided More Tombs In Skyrim Than I Have In Tomb Raider

Just-Shower-Thoughts: Once You Read The Dictionary, Every Other Book You Read Is Just A Remix.

Just-Shower-Thoughts: It’s Cool For My Wife To Buy Me Power Tools For My Birthday, But If I Was To Bring Her A Vacuum Cleaner…..

Just-Shower-Thoughts: What If Harry Potter Was Dreaming For Seven Years Because He Ran Headfirst Into A Wall At A Train Station?

Just-Shower-Thoughts: I Don’t Find Myself Unattractive, But I Also Don’t Find Myself Attractive. I Feel Like I’m Just Sort Of Here, Not Something That Really Grabs Anyone’s Attention. Sort Of Like A Chair. Or A Lamp.

Just-Shower-Thoughts: What If, Every Time We See A Flash Of Light In The Sky, It’s Just Someone’s Giant Toaster Poping Up The Toast When It’s Done Toasting.. And We Are All Tiney Bread Crumbs. Just Living Our Lives In A Toaster. Toast Is Life.

Just-Shower-Thoughts: Theres A Spider In Brazil Who’s Bites Can Cause An Erection For 4 Hours.

Just-Shower-Thoughts: We Never Think About The Gender Of The Meat We Are Eating

Just-Shower-Thoughts: Morticians Should Tie Dead People’s Shoes Together So If There Is A Zombie Apocalypse It Would Be Funny Rather Than Scary.

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